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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Super excited about a brand new week of questioning all my life choices.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Some days you’re the bat, some days you’re the ball.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Live now on Telegram:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Making waves on Threads:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Making waves on Threads:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Just landed via Slack:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Broadcasted on X:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Funny quote about relationship humor, highlighting a witty remark on romantic taste.
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Commentary:
Well, at least she found the perfect match in you! 🤣👫 It's all about balance, right? Maybe opposites attract – for better or for worse! 😉

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on YouTube this month:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

44 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

87 shares on Threads this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Spreading quickly via X:

They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

Making waves on Discord:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Just landed via Facebook:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Spotted on Twitch:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Spotted on Discord:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Breaking via Telegram:

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

Just landed via Facebook:

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Just landed via Discord:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

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