Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Nature: the original master builder, creating skyscraper trees like a boss 🌳👷‍♂️ Who needs architects and permits when you can just grow your way to the top! #TreeGoals"

30, building, even, foot, height, humor, irony, just, nature, permit, regulation, tree

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

0

2 months ago

arrival, ask, bird, birds, ETA, humor, question, sky, travel, waiting
I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

0

2 months ago

6, am, around, delay, drive, driving, early, early morning, humor, i, late, leisure, morning, retire, retirement, slow, slow drive, tardiness, wait, work, work delay
My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

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2 months ago

change, color, color scheme, colors, different, house, humor, i, know, new, scheme, towels, wife
Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

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2 months ago

anything, communication, confidence, honesty, honesty in communication, humor, humor about speech, i, intelligent, let, me, personality, say, self-awareness, sometimes, speech, stop
I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

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2 months ago

adulthood, believe, disbelief, experience, high, high school, humor, i, life, life experience, school, stress, think, used
Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

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2 months ago

childhood, dad, errands, family, humor, i, most, parenting, ran, truck, wait, waiting, words

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Threads this month:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

34 shares on Threads this month:

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

34 shares on X this month:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

70 shares on X this month:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

42 shares on X this month:

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Just landed via Discord:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

Just shared via YouTube:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Going viral on Telegram:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨