Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

71 shares on Threads this month:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.