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Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I wonโ€™t do it again. And then would you believe.

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I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

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My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

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Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

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Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, Iโ€™ll consider it.

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Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

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As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

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Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

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Canโ€™t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

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Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Commentary:
"Nature: the original master builder, creating skyscraper trees like a boss ๐ŸŒณ๐Ÿ‘ทโ€โ™‚๏ธ Who needs architects and permits when you can just grow your way to the top! #TreeGoals"



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