Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.
  • You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.
  • Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.
  • Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.