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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Spotted on YouTube:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Going viral on Twitch:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Trending via Facebook:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Just shared via TikTok:

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

Going viral on X:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Just shared via Facebook:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Just shared via Instagram:

There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Going viral on X:

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about aging with fuzzy eyesight and facial hair confusion, playful and witty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Middle age: where you need more grooming tools than a garden shed! 🧔🔍 #FuzzyWoes #MidLifeCrisis"

age, aging, eyesight, facial, facial hair, fuzzy, hair, humor, i, me, mean, middle, middle age, perception, self-deprecation, yes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Instagram this month:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

67 shares on X this month:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

58 shares on Discord this month:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

71 shares on WeChat this month:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Just landed via Discord:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Going viral on Slack:

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Spotted on X:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Just landed via Threads:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Just landed via Messenger:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Making waves on Instagram:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Just shared via X:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

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Activity Log ✨

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨