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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

According to “The Hobbit”, Gollum was once a handsome young man who was robbed of his youth, zest for life and energy by putting on a ring. Men, think about it!

Going viral on Messenger:

In banana years, I am bread.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Going bananas on Twitch:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Broadcasted on X:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Freshly posted on X:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

2 months ago

0

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic mid-life crisis decision! Who needs a fancy sports car when you can gracefully vault over walls and leap across rooftops, right? 🏃‍♂️💨 Just remember to stretch those creaky joints before attempting any daring stunts! 😅 #MidlifeParkourGoals"

activity, age, changes, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, i, life, life changes, mid-forty, parkour, take, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

0

3 months ago

animal, cat, celebrity, every, humor, little, me, pet
Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

0

2 months ago

admit, gender, humor, men, mistakes, relationship, women
That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

0

2 months ago

again, awkward, awkward moment, experience, fashion, fitting, fitting room, get it off, humor, know, moment, relatable, room, shop, shopping, shopping experience, something, try, try-on
Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

0

2 months ago

bandwidth, boundary, busy, evolution, growing, growth, health, humor, independence, man, mental, mental health, neural, neural pathway, new, opinion, pathway, personal, personal growth, sarcasm, self-care, sorry, space, strangers, too
If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

0

2 months ago

Alpha, alpha female, bedtime, dating, dragon, else, female, humor, know, need, night, personality, relationship, turn
I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

0

1 month ago

again, back, distraction, habit, humor, i, just, lot, phone, pick, procrastination, putting, time, time-wasting, waste, wasting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

19 shares on Discord this month:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

62 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

67 shares on YouTube this month:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,618

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Just shared via Facebook:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Spotted on X:

The government even made aliens boring.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Going viral on Messenger:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Just landed via YouTube:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Making waves on Facebook:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Just landed via Facebook:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Spotted on Slack:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

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