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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Just got sacked from my job at a think tank for thinking about donuts.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,736

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Trending via WeChat:

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Making waves on Threads:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Trending via Messenger:

I swear every time I look up from my phone, it’s a different holiday.

Trending via Threads:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Live now on Facebook:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Making waves on Instagram:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about embracing midlife with humor and unexpected parkour ambitions.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic mid-life crisis decision! Who needs a fancy sports car when you can gracefully vault over walls and leap across rooftops, right? 🏃‍♂️💨 Just remember to stretch those creaky joints before attempting any daring stunts! 😅 #MidlifeParkourGoals"

activity, age, changes, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, i, life, life changes, mid-forty, parkour, take, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Slack this month:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

99 shares on Threads this month:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

85 shares on Slack this month:

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

57 shares on Slack this month:

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

53 shares on Threads this month:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Spotted on WeChat:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Just shared via Reddit:

You may think no one is there for you, but there’s laundry. Laundry is always there for you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Apple, who gives you permission to turn the brightness down again when I’ve just turned it up?

Just landed via Facebook:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Going viral on WeChat:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

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