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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Even at my most evil, I’m considerate.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,755

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Spotted on TikTok:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

Shared recently on Slack:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Broadcasted on X:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Spotted on Facebook:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Just shared via Slack:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Shared recently on X:

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

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On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the dilemma of our modern times: to be trapped in a vortex of cat videos and endless scrolling OR to brave the treacherous lands of 'No WiFi' zones. 🤔💻📵 It's a battle between #TeamNetflix and #TeamDisconnect… may the strongest signal prevail!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

43 shares on X this month:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

87 shares on Discord this month:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

33 shares on Twitch this month:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Livin’ la vida vodka!

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,779

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Just landed via Snapchat:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Trending via Instagram:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Just shared via Twitch:

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

Trending via YouTube:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Just landed via Pinterest:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

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