On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

55 shares on Threads this month:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.