One of my greatest strengths is appearing busy so people don’t try to speak to me.

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I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

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You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

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If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

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It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

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Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

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“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

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I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

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Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

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A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

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Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.