Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sounds like he may need a GPS tracker instead of a prayer 🗺️😂 Let's hope his search party includes a compass and some good old-fashioned detective skills! 🔍🕵️‍♂️ #WhereInTheWorldIsMyWife"

communication, humor, husband, marriage, me, pray, relationship, struggle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

0

2 months ago

activity, awesome, cleaning, fun, fun activity, hoarder, house, humor, i, just, procrastination, self-assessment, think, TV, watch
What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

0

2 months ago

age, decision, humor, i, mean, means, money, regret, spending, tattoo, trust, youth
Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

0

2 months ago

animation, dating, dog, family, Family Guy, guy, humor, insane, people, show, TV, TV Show, why
Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

0

2 months ago

debt, enjoy, frustration, hope, humor, i, identity, left, me, new, password, posture, steal, stealing, technology, terrible, think
That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

0

2 months ago

again, blink, blues, feeling, Friday, frustration, humor, lapse, Monday, Monday blues, once, relatable, time, time lapse, weekend, workweek
Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

0

2 months ago

beer, example, girlfriend, humor, little, mine, moving, moving in, quirks, realize, relationship, storage, stores, together, vegetables

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

92 shares on Slack this month:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

71 shares on Slack this month:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

64 shares on Slack this month:

I have a very active anti-social life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Spotted on Facebook:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Spotted on Twitch:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Breaking via Facebook:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨