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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,996

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Seen just now on Slack:

Good morning. I’m ready for attention now.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Making waves on TikTok:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Trending via Discord:

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

Making waves on X:

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

Just landed via X:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

2 months ago

0

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic political strategy: convince everyone that you're the only honest one in a sea of deception! 🕵️‍♂️🤥 Who knew the key to trust was a well-crafted conspiracy theory? 😂 Just remember, it's all fun and games until people start questioning if even you are lying about lying! 🤔🤫 #TrustNoOne"

advice, everyone, gain, humor, lying, manipulation, people, politics, satire, tip, top, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You only live once and thank God for that.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, existence, God, gratitude, humor, irony, life, live, once, only, philosophy, thank, yolo
Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

0

2 months ago

day, end, end of day, frustration, humor, impatience, joke, left, much, patience, sarcasm, time, why
I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

0

2 months ago

fit, fitness, humor, irony, me, need, self-awareness, tell, watch
My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

0

2 months ago

going, health, humor, joke, mental, mental health, preoccupation, regret, revenge, sarcasm, therapist, therapy
I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

0

2 months ago

authority, being, fit, good, home, humor, job, job market, market, nonconformity, personal, personal values, sarcasm, self-righteousness, strengths, traditional, values, workplace
At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

0

2 months ago

activity, age, carry, falling, helmet, humor, i, looking, ridiculous, safety, skateboard, tripping, wear, worry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m perfectly approachable as long as you’re carrying a plate of nachos.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

99 shares on X this month:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,844

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Hobosexual. A person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

Making waves on Instagram:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Breaking via Twitch:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Going bananas on Discord:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Breaking via Twitch:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Spotted on Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Making waves on Facebook:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Going viral on Discord:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Trending via WeChat:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

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