Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.
  • How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”
  • When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”
  • One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.
  • It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.
  • It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.