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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I love when my friends have quiet boyfriends. Like, girl, your dog is so good, sis.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Jan 5, 2026

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

Just shared via Slack:

Just took off my daytime sweatpants and put on my nighttime sweatpants.

Spotted on Reddit:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Just shared via Threads:

My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

Making waves on Threads:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Going viral on Threads:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Just landed via Messenger:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

2 months ago

0

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh no, sounds like those toilets are serving as secret escape routes for some elusive dates! 👀 Maybe they've been lured away by the call of the wild…or maybe they just got lost in the maze of toilet stalls? 🚽💨 Dates disappearing into thin air at the restaurant? Time to investigate or start serving a GPS service with the meals! 🕵️‍♂️🍽️

bathroom, danger, dangerous, date, gone, humor, joke, relationship, restaurant, toilet, toilets, vanish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

0

2 months ago

being, companionship, dog, everyone, humor, masseuse, meet, pet, relaxation, wild
If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

0

2 months ago

dating, gulp, health, humor, i, just, looking, playful, spontaneity, vitamins, wild, wild woman, woman
Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

0

2 months ago

adult, adulthood, being, confusion, crazy, existential, going, hell, humor, life, nonsense, reality
Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

0

2 months ago

check, Christmas, elf, festive, holiday, humor, need, pun, remember, shelf
I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, bad, bad decision, choices, decision, humor, i, life, life choices, need, self-awareness
I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

0

6 months ago

addiction, better, cigarette, feel, humor, i, just, sarcasm, saying, smoking, vape, vindication

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

56 shares on X this month:

My New Years resolutions are to do some things, and stop doing some other things.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

71 shares on Threads this month:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

80 shares on Slack this month:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I just agree with people so that they stop talking.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Just shared via WeChat:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Going viral on Facebook:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Trending via YouTube:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

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