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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

18 minutes ago

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Making waves on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Trending via Facebook:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Trending via Telegram:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Shared recently on Twitch:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

6 months ago

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh no, sounds like those toilets are serving as secret escape routes for some elusive dates! 👀 Maybe they've been lured away by the call of the wild…or maybe they just got lost in the maze of toilet stalls? 🚽💨 Dates disappearing into thin air at the restaurant? Time to investigate or start serving a GPS service with the meals! 🕵️‍♂️🍽️

bathroom, danger, dangerous, date, gone, humor, joke, relationship, restaurant, toilet, toilets, vanish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

18 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

They should invent a good thing that happens.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Trending via LinkedIn:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Just landed via Instagram:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Spotted on Threads:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

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