Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,260

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Going viral on Instagram:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Breaking via Telegram:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Shared recently on TikTok:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Carpe diem? More like carpen't diem! 🙅‍♂️ Let the day be on its way, I'm good over here waiting for the weekend like… 🤷‍♀️⏳"

alone, courtesy, day, extend, hope, humor, i, leave, me, procrastination, same, seize, thank

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

0

2 months ago

appointments, around, awkward, bit, dentist, humor, meet, mouth, nice, root, weird
I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

0

2 months ago

am, disorders, family, humor, i, observation, observing, personality, table, Thanksgiving
I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

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2 months ago

car, casual, casual wear, clothing, dressing, fashion, getting, humor, i, just, meant, outfit, outfits, straight, style, think, wardrobe, wear
Killing me softly with his schlong.

0

2 months ago

humor, innuendo, joke, killing, laughter, me, relationship, schlong, softly
Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

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2 months ago

Earth, everyone, humor, i, know, live, living, media, need, people, posting, privacy, social, social media, stop, where
“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

0

4 months ago

care, decline, done, excuse, fashion, hair, humor, outing, personal, personal care, reason, refusal, socializing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Threads this month:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

59 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

62 shares on X this month:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I failed as a person; I’m a dinosaur now.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Going to all the Halloween parties this year as the Invisible Man.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Spotted on Instagram:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Making waves on Discord:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Trending via TikTok:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Just landed via Pinterest:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨