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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

26 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Spotted on Messenger:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Going viral on Twitch:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Trending via Instagram:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.

Going viral on Instagram:

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Just shared via Slack:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

6 months ago

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, isn't that a clever twist of fate! 😂 Who knew that all this time, Evian water was just "naive" spelled backwards? 💧💡 Looks like we've stumbled upon the secret of pricey bottled water – it's all in the name! 🤣 Remember, sometimes the most valuable insights come from simply looking at things from a different angle!

backwards, Evian, fortune, humor, i, little, paid, people, read, used, water, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

26 minutes ago

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

You are the Monday of my life.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Spotted on Reddit:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Just landed via X:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Trending via Messenger:

Twitter is for people who tried suffering in silence and realized it wasn’t for them.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Trending via Facebook:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Bird flu? Yeah, they’re known to do that.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

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