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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Intermittent fasting is how I drive, not how I eat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,403

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Breaking via Threads:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Going viral on Threads:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Making waves on X:

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

2 months ago

0

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Offering advice in your late 20s to someone in their early 20s is like a toddler trying to guide a newbie on their very first steps in the wide world of adulthood! 🧒👶 While your intentions might be well-meaning, there's no denying the comical mismatch in experience levels. Just remember, we're all in this chaotic journey together! 🌟😄"

20s, advice, early, early 20’s, exactly, gap, generational, generational gap, giving, humor, late, late 20s, life, life stage, newborn, obsession, someone, stage, toddler

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

0

2 months ago

before, crazy, day, even, good, good day, humor, morning, opening, try, web
If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, environment, humor, i, irony, microplastic, mouth, ocean, self-awareness
“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

0

2 weeks ago

after, better, communication, confession, hit, humor, i, left, media, message, mistake, myself, regret, self-talk, send, social, social media, texting, things, think, unsaid
I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

0

5 months ago

binge, binge-watching, control, fingerprint, fingerprints, humor, i, law, Law and Order, much, order, remote, remote control, turn, TV, watch, watching, wipe
Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

0

3 months ago

annoyance, awareness, behavior, bothering, humor, i, inform, interaction, me, observation, pattern, people, personality, social, social interaction, stop, tell, warning
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

0

2 months ago

center, humor, irony, learn, people, science, self-centered, surprise, universe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Facebook this month:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

I have the sex drive of a potato.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

53 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

21 shares on X this month:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,307

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Your problems are neither sexual nor spiritual, they are gastrointestinal.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Trending via WhatsApp:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Just landed via YouTube:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Shared recently on X:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Spotted on Threads:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

Just shared via Messenger:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Trending via Discord:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

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