Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

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If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

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I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.