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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Me rereading his texts after we’ve already said goodnight just so I can giggle and blush all over again.

Shared recently on Slack:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Live now on TikTok:

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

Spotted on X:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Making waves on WeChat:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Going bananas on Threads:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Seen just now on X:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

0
Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic tale of unrequited love… or maybe just a case of selective blindness? 🤷‍♂️ Here we have a true mystery: what magic spell did this guy cast to make her choose no attention over 15 others?! 🔮😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

19 shares on WeChat this month:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

88 shares on Discord this month:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

19 shares on TikTok this month:

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,652

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Relationships are actually easy when you’re not dating a lying weirdo.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Trending via Twitch:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Going bananas on Messenger:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Spotted on YouTube:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Spotted on Threads:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Trending via Pinterest:

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

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