Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Commentary:
“Apology accepted… as long as you promise not to eavesdrop on me while I’m planning our next vacation 🌴👂😆 #SelectiveHearing #SavedByTheIgnorance”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the incredible multitasking genius of the human brain! 🧠 From figuring out complex concepts to navigating social situations, it never fails to impress. But watch out folks, as soon as those butterflies flutter in your stomach, all bets are off! 🦋 Love: 1, Brain: 0. The struggle is real, folks. 😂 #BrainVsLove”

  • If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the innocent ignorance technique: a surefire way to get a free adult vocabulary lesson and a few good laughs along the way! 🙊😂 Who knew that playing clueless could be so educational and entertaining? Just remember to act surprised and grateful for the ‘enlightenment’ 😉📚 #LearningTheDirtyWordsTheFunWay”

  • I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

    Commentary:
    “Watch out world, we’ve got a double threat here! 🎭🍝 I’m not just a messy eater, I’m an artist spreading my sauce-stained canvas everywhere. Care for a food fight, or should I say, food flight? 🚀😂”

  • I wish anxiety came with french fries.

    Commentary:
    “Imagine ordering a ‘Combo Meal’ at the Anxiety Cafe: ‘Yes, I’ll have a large anxiety with a side of crispy french fries, please!’ 🍟😬 Talk about comfort food for the mind and soul! Just add a sprinkle of humor and dip it all in sarcasm – voilà, instant stress relief! 😅”

  • A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the power of punctuation! 😄 Never underestimate the impact of a simple colon – it can turn a friendly meal into a gruesome scenario faster than you can say “punctuation matters!” 🥪😱 #WatchOutForColons

  • An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

    Commentary:
    “Imagine getting an email so annoying that you consider throwing your computer out the window and chasing after the delivery truck like your life depends on it! 📧🤯 Maybe next time we can customize the ‘return to sender’ option to include the computer too! 💻😂”