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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,873

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Home is where you trust the toilet seats.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Just shared via Twitch:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Making waves on WeChat:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like your presentation was a real rollercoaster ride without safety belts! 🎢🚫 #StaySafe"

Facebook, humor, i, joke, media, myself, PowerPoint, presentation, safe, sarcasm, social, social media, sorry, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

1 month ago
better, crazy, else, everyone, knowing, nothing, right, thought
Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward moment, before, behavior, day, funny behavior, hand, hands, handshake, humor, i, just, moment, pants, prank, rest, shaking, social, spend, touch, wipe
Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

1 month ago
comfort, familiarity, home, tap, tap water, taste, water, where
I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

3 months ago
again, communication, email, email etiquette, emails, etiquette, humor, i, know, let, life, me, office, office life, questions, sarcasm, stopped, work, work email
I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

1 month ago
different, doing, doing nothing, fashion, five, humor, i, just, nothing, outfit, outfits, procrastination, relaxation, wait, waiting, week, weekend
Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

1 month ago
ad, ads, away, click, humor, irony, nothing, size, x

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Shared recently on Threads:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Trending via Pinterest:

I read classics because my FOMO is making me want to understand every reference ever.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Breaking via Discord:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Seen just now on Slack:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

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Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Nothing is smaller than the X on ads to click them away.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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