Commentary:
Looks like I'm at the center of the universe, so don't get dizzy! 😂🌎👑 Stay safe out there!
18 Funny safe quotes
“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.
Commentary:
Ah, the dishwasher initiation rite! May you emerge stronger and only slightly more water-resistant! 🚿😂🔄
The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.
Commentary:
Putting the sexy in spectacles—watch out, things are about to get blurry! 🤓🔥🚫
Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.
Commentary:
Playing it safe, as long as you're not number six! 🎱😂🔫
I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.
Commentary:
Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣
Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.
Commentary:
"Twitter: Where the crazy show is just a scroll away! 🤪📱 Enjoying the chaos from a safe distance has never been more entertaining! 🤣 #TwitterTales"
Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.
Commentary:
"Good news! Your secret is as safe with me as a chocolate bar in a room full of toddlers 🍫🤷♂️ Don't worry, I have zero interest in your scandalous tales!"
Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.
Commentary:
"Looks like my government skipped the memo on 'Making Life Easy 101' and went straight to the advanced level of 'Making Life Complicated 404'. 🤷♂️💸 #ThanksNotThanks"
Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.
Commentary:
"Remember, folks: Sometimes being single is a blessing in disguise! 😂🙌 Your ex may be off wrecking havoc elsewhere, but hey, at least you're out of the danger zone! Stay strong and unbothered, my friends! 💪😎 #DodgedABullet"
What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.
Commentary:
"Ah, the sacred vow of the blanket fort! 🏰🤐 What happens in those cozy walls remains a mystery to the outside world…unless the snacks run out, then all bets are off! 🍿😂 #BlanketFortSecrets"