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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Making waves on Discord:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Going viral on WeChat:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Making waves on Slack:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Trending via Telegram:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Just landed via Discord:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Just shared via Twitch:

If cats could send Christmas cards, they wouldn’t.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

2 months ago

0

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the spectrum of sizzling sexuality! 😏 From raw and medium to well-done, let's hope it's not overcooked! 🔥 Remember, it's all about finding that perfect balance and sizzle in the bedroom steak of life! 😉🥩 #MediumRarePlease

existence, humor, medium, raw, sex, sexuality, well-done

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

0

2 months ago

Halloween, humor, nature, spooky, spooky thing, spooky vibe, thing, vibe, wish, woods, world
My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

0

2 months ago

back, back pain, comedy, curtsy, deep, deep curtsy, going, humor, lean, leaning, leaning over, over, pain, physical, physical comedy, picking, picking up, things
Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

0

2 months ago

activity, calorie, cooking, cooking humor, detector, dinner, every, exercise, fun, fun activity, homemade, humor, negative, negative calorie, pillow, smoke, smoke detector
Life hack: You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife’s birthday.

0

4 hours ago

bed, birthday, forgetfulness, forgetting, hack, humor, life, life hack, marriage, ordinary, prank, relationship, simply, sofa, sofa bed, turn, wife
I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

0

7 days ago

apology, bathroom, bathroom scale, corner, humor, i, joke, liar, lie, little, personification, put, scale, stay, weight, where
As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, everything, hate, humor, normal, older, perspective, realization, realize, Smurf

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Twitch this month:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

68 shares on X this month:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

71 shares on Discord this month:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you’d have no idea.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Going viral on Telegram:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Just shared via YouTube:

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

There must be an opposite of suicide, where someone suddenly and radically decides to start living, and rescues their own life from meaninglessness.

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