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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Just landed via Snapchat:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Going viral on Messenger:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Just shared via Discord:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Breaking via Slack:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Making waves on X:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Breaking via Messenger:

I never wanted to become one of those adults who just find the music of the younger generation annoying. Nobody could have guessed that the music was just annoying.

Spotted on Threads:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

0
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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Commentary:
😄🏃‍♂️ "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it… a sign that they're either really enjoying their run or they just saw a squirrel do something hilarious. Keep an eye out for those elusive happy joggers – they might be onto something!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

70 shares on X this month:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,674

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Live now on X:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Making waves on X:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Just landed via Discord:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Just shared via Messenger:

The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Spotted on Snapchat:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

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