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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,717

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Going viral on Messenger:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Trending via Pinterest:

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Just shared via Threads:

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Shared recently on Reddit:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Just landed via Telegram:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

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The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the endless quest to reach those elusive toenails as we age! It's like a game of flexibility and determination 🦶👴 Stretching exercises become a daily routine, and a simple task turns into a comedic chase around the house! 🏃‍♂️💨 Just remember, the distant toenails remind us that reaching our goals may require a little extra effort and a good sense of humor! 😄"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on TikTok this month:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

50 shares on X this month:

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m running out of people I like.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,668

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Just landed via Pinterest:

(Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

Making waves on Slack:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Live now on Slack:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Trending via Reddit:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Going viral on Discord:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Making waves on TikTok:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

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