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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Being a little freak is my love language.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2403 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,565

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,565

5 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Spotted on Reddit:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Going viral on Discord:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Just shared via Threads:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Making waves on Reddit:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Breaking via Slack:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Jan 22, 2025

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the endless quest to reach those elusive toenails as we age! It's like a game of flexibility and determination 🦶👴 Stretching exercises become a daily routine, and a simple task turns into a comedic chase around the house! 🏃‍♂️💨 Just remember, the distant toenails remind us that reaching our goals may require a little extra effort and a good sense of humor! 😄"

age, aging, away, distance, humor, maintenance, need, older, self-care, toenail, toenails, trim

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2403 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,565

Funny Quotes Topics

15,241

Funny Quotes Images

12,565

5 minutes ago

3,458

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Reported on Facebook:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Reported on Instagram:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

Reported on YouTube:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Just shared via X:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Shared recently on TikTok:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Just landed via Threads:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

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