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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Warning: not watching the news may lead to a heightened sense of joy, security, and optimism.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,528

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Trending via Discord:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Breaking via TikTok:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Going viral on Slack:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Just landed via Discord:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Going viral on Reddit:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Just shared via WeChat:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

Breaking via YouTube:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

4 weeks ago

Humorous quote about financial struggles and avoiding exercise with witty humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like your bank account got a little too much cardio this month! 💸🏃‍♂️ Time to switch up those financial fitness routines! 💪💰"

exercise, financial, financial struggle, fitness, humor, joke, money, month, running, struggle

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Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Twitch this month:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People aren’t so bad if you stay indoors and don’t talk to them.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Going viral on Telegram:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Seen just now on Twitch:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Trending via Snapchat:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Trending via Reddit:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Live now on Twitch:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

Going bananas on Threads:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Keep the laugh going 😂

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨