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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Lost my job to AI (my job was to be loudly and confidently incorrect).

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,711

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

Trending via Discord:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Making waves on Telegram:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Just landed via X:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Trending via TikTok:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Spotted on Facebook:

Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

1 month ago

Playful quote about morning urges, humorously describing the desperate urge to pee.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the morning bladder – the ultimate wakeup call with a dash of urgency! 🚽💦 It's like our bodies are in a race against time while we're just trying to get the day started. Slow down, bladder, slow down! 😂 #MorningStruggles"

aggressive, bro, chill, come out, getting, humor, morning, pee, threaten, urge

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

90 shares on Slack this month:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

79 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

86 shares on YouTube this month:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,767

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Trending via Pinterest:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Live now on TikTok:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Going bananas on Messenger:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Going viral on YouTube:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Going viral on WeChat:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

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