Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

210 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,479

Funny Quotes Topics

17,544

Funny Quotes Images

15,479

Jan 4, 2026

3,715

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Just shared via WeChat:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Spotted on Threads:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Just shared via WeChat:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Trending via WeChat:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

2 months ago

0

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the morning bladder – the ultimate wakeup call with a dash of urgency! 🚽💦 It's like our bodies are in a race against time while we're just trying to get the day started. Slow down, bladder, slow down! 😂 #MorningStruggles"

aggressive, bro, chill, come out, getting, humor, morning, pee, threaten, urge

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

0

2 months ago

bouquet, cheese, craving, food, humor, i, mozzarella, snack, wish
This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, argue, argument, community, debate, discussion, humor, literally, online, online community, people, site
Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

0

4 months ago

appear, chore, cleaning, creature, dish, dishes, doing, fighting, frustration, household, humor, hydra, mythological, mythological creature, wash, washing
It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

0

4 weeks ago

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor
Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

0

2 months ago

almost, believe, confidence, dating, flirtation, ground, humor, humor quote, i, me, romantic, romantic tension, sarcasm, self-esteem, tension, unfortunately, walk, worship
If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

0

2 months ago

amusement, annoyance, annoyed, attitude, emotion, enter, figure, God, hack, humor, improvement, life, life hack, mindset, mode, motivation, much, positivity, pretty, self, self-improvement, state

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Facebook this month:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

47 shares on Slack this month:

Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

12 shares on Instagram this month:

My hobbies include using the TV as background noise while I scroll on my phone.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

76 shares on Telegram this month:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

210 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,479

Funny Quotes Topics

17,544

Funny Quotes Images

15,479

Updated

Jan 4, 2026

Users Online

3,522

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Live now on Slack:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Going viral on Discord:

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Going viral on Threads:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴