Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Live now on YouTube:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

Just shared via WeChat:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Just shared via Twitch:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Spotted on Instagram:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Trending via Snapchat:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Trending via Instagram:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

0
This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.
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Commentary:
Looks like this room is so exclusive, even the dust particles couldn't make it in! 🎉🚫 It's the ultimate anti-party, where even the walls are too cool to join in the fun! 😄✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

75 shares on Slack this month:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

41 shares on Slack this month:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love you to the refrigerator and back.

74 shares on Snapchat this month:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I woke up alive again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Breaking via Slack:

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Trending via Facebook:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Live now on Messenger:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

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