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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

No matter how sad their story is, don’t let anybody move into your house.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

7 hours ago

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Seen just now on Slack:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Trending via Snapchat:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Going viral on Discord:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.
Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.
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Commentary:
🍻 "I considered quitting drinking tonight, but then I thought about the poor pub owner's family relying on my contributions. Hey, who am I to deprive them of their livelihood? Cheers to generosity with a side of guilt!" 🤣 #DrinkResponsibly #SupportLocalBusiness

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2382 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,544

Funny Quotes Topics

15,227

Funny Quotes Images

12,544

Updated

7 hours ago

Users Online

3,454

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on TikTok:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Shared recently on X:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When someone tells me “They could care less”, instead of the proper “I couldn’t care less”, I always say “At least you care.”

Going viral on Instagram:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Live now on Snapchat:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Trending via WeChat:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

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