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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,314

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Going viral on Slack:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Spotted on Threads:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Breaking via Telegram:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Seen just now on Threads:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Spotted on X:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Spotted on Slack:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

2 months ago

0

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐑 Counting sheep may seem like a harmless sleep aid, but beware – once you start, you might find yourself knee-deep in sheep drama! 🤣 Who knew those fluffy creatures had such complicated lives? Therapy might be in order, not just for them, but for you too! Good luck navigating the woolly world of bedtime stories! 🌙

backstory, counting, emotional, emotional investment, emotionally, humor, i, invested, investment, need, sheep, sleep, therapy, think, tried

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

0

2 months ago

age, communication, contact, eye, eye contact, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, someone, talker, where
If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

0

2 months ago

anything, bee, education, humor, irony, language, learning, lot, me, media, ready, social, social media, spelling, taught, Twitter, us
Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

0

2 months ago

AC, activity, comfort, cooling, front, heat, heatwave, hours, indoor, minutes, outdoor, outside, summer, summer activity, weather
I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

0

2 months ago

afford, affordability, comparison, door, humor, i, lids, open, Tupperware, vehicle, wing, wing door
I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

0

6 months ago

coding, color, color coding, communication, emoji, emoji meaning, heart, heart emoji, humor, i, learn, meaning, means, refuse, relationship, want
I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

0

2 months ago

behavior, breakfast, humor, hunger, i, know, mood, morning

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Facebook this month:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Making waves on X:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Just landed via YouTube:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Going viral on Telegram:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Just shared via Telegram:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Going bananas on Facebook:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Shared recently on X:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Trending via Slack:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

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