Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

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Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

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Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

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They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

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Nice to finally get back that hour they stole earlier this year.

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You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

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How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

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Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.