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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Nothing says sexy like a pair of sensible, silky polka dot PJs.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2414 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,576

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,576

55 minutes ago

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Trending via LinkedIn:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Trending via Reddit:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Spotted on X:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Spotted on X:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Jan 21, 2025

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of reaching your 50s! 🎉 Welcome to the era where your knees hold the power and dictate your sitting schedule. It's like having your own personal knee bosses running the show! 💪😂 Remember to treat them well, or else they might just send you crashing down when you least expect it! Enjoy the sit-down dance of your 50s! 🕺💃

50s, aging, body, changes, health, humor, knees, life, life changes, sit, sit down, welcome

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2414 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,576

Funny Quotes Topics

15,246

Funny Quotes Images

12,576

55 minutes ago

3,466

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Making waves on Messenger:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Making waves on Pinterest:

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

Spreading quickly via X:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Just shared via TikTok:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Spotted on Instagram:

The worst person to share a room with is someone who puts on 10 alarms 2 mins apart each, and wakes up at none.

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