When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

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I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

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You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

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If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

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Girls Just Want To Have Naan

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Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

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Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”