Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the executioner trying to cut me off mid-sentence! Looks like I'll have to filibuster my way out of this one too. Let me tell you about the time I escaped a guillotine using only my wit and charm…"

absurdity, death, executioner, filibustering, final, final words, humor, irony, just, me, procrastination, words

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21 shares on Facebook this month:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

24 shares on X this month:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

58 shares on Discord this month:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing can break the bond between me and peanut butter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

You’re not really a writer unless you send at least one email a month with a script attachment, saying, “Sorry, read this one instead.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

Did you get that psychic damage I sent you?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

Trending via TikTok:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Seen just now on Discord:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Just landed via Reddit:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Going viral on YouTube:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

Shared recently on Discord:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨