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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I wish it were social acceptable to say “I don’t care” and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,664

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Trending via Threads:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Live now on Threads:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Spotted on Telegram:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Seen just now on X:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Live now on Messenger:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Spotted on YouTube:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Trending via Discord:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

2 months ago

0

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the pun-tastic potential of blending family dynamics with fancy French phrases! 😄🇫🇷 It's certainly a faux pas not to appreciate the humor in our everyday relationships. Step aside, stepdad, here comes the faux pas with all its accidental charm! 😉 #DadJokeGoals

call, dad, family, faux, faux pas, humor, jokes, parenting, pas, play, relationships, step, step dad, why, word, word play

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

0

2 months ago

annoying, cat, cats, compliment, humor, i, meow, personality, playful, sweet, think
I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, bad, bad behavior, behavior, color, equality, humor, i, judge, judgment, me, need, orientation, people, religion, sarcasm, sexual, sexual orientation, skin, skin color
Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

0

5 months ago

adult, custody, divorce, family, Funny, having, humor, mom, parent, parents, sibling, siblings, today
If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

0

2 months ago

cleaner, dark, electricity, house, humor, keep, looks, save
About to form my very first opinion.

0

2 months ago

form, forming, funny moment, humor, moment, opinion, self-discovery
My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

0

5 months ago

hack, humor, husband, lose, matching, matching pair, me, packing, pair, reader, rolling, sock, sock trick, together, told, travel, travel hack, trick, trip, used

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Instagram this month:

A big part of aging is accumulating keys and not knowing what they’re for.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

90 shares on Threads this month:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

86 shares on Threads this month:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,270

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

“I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If you see me in public, it’s AI.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Just shared via Reddit:

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

Making waves on X:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Shared recently on WeChat:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Spotted on X:

“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.

Going viral on Telegram:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Going viral on Twitch:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Just landed via Reddit:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The laundromat should give you XP and ranks like “Slimelord” and “Glunkfather,” based on how dirty your clothes are.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

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