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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2393 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,555

Funny Quotes Topics

15,234

Funny Quotes Images

12,555

Updated

39 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Never trust a wet fart.

Spotted on Threads:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Making waves on Threads:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Shared recently on Slack:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Live now on Reddit:

I don’t even get disappointed anymore. I’m just like, “Oh, again? Okay.”

Freshly posted on X:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Trending via Slack:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Reported on WeChat:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.
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Commentary:
"Who needs a best friend when you can have a basket of fries by your side? 🍟👯‍♂️ Truly, fries are the unsung heroes of the culinary world, always there for you in times of hunger and craving. Remember, a fry in need is a friend indeed! 😉 #FriendshipGoals #FryDayEveryday"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2393 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,555

Funny Quotes Topics

15,234

Funny Quotes Images

12,555

Updated

39 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Spotted on X:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Just shared via Slack:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Just shared via Threads:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Breaking via Telegram:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Live now on Slack:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

Shared recently on Telegram:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Just landed via Pinterest:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

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