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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

357 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,626

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,626

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Your opinions are not my business.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Making waves on Slack:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Just shared via X:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Never signed up for a 401k cause there’s no way in hell I can run that far.

Breaking via Discord:

Hyphenated. Non-hyphenated. The irony.

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.
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Commentary:
"Life is like a ketchup bottle – you're either drowning in condiments or desperately trying to scrape out the last drop 🍅♨️ Embrace the saucy chaos and always be prepared for the unexpected condiment crises in your kitchen! 😂🌭"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Telegram this month:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

76 shares on Threads this month:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ain’t scared of nothing.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

83 shares on Discord this month:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Shooting a gun in the air to get everyone’s attention, then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

357 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,626

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,626

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Nothing more rude than taking a photo of yourself and it looking like how you actually look, and not how you look inside your head.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Just landed via X:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Spotted on Facebook:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Seen just now on Instagram:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Just landed via Telegram:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

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