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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Imagine hating me and im just at my desk spinning reeaaally fast in my office chair.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,358

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Live now on Telegram:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Broadcasted on Threads:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Spotted on Reddit:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Spotted on Threads:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Breaking via Reddit:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

Just landed via Instagram:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

2 months ago

0

You now have the chance to be the first person to send me nudes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate race to the inbox! 🏁 Will you be the trailblazer in this brave new world of nudie selfies, or will you take your time to craft the perfect angle? 📸 Either way, embrace this historic opportunity with camera-ready confidence! 🤳😂"

chance, flirt, humor, me, nude, nudes, person, send

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

0

2 months ago

asked, better, bohemian, Bohemian Rhapsody, humor, i, interview, interviewer, job, job interview, management, me, much, music, performance, pressure, rhapsody, said, singing, stress, stress management, under, well
Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

0

2 months ago

after, expert, fact, hindsight, humor, irony, knowledge, observation, opinion
I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

0

2 months ago

expectations, humor, i, irony, me, reflection, self-discovery, timing, universe, waiting
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

0

2 months ago

advice, experience, humor, learn, life, live, mistake, mistakes, never, wisdom, yourself
There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

0

2 months ago

26, bigger, cooking, day, December, December 26, food, holiday, humor, microwave, Olympics
I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

0

2 months ago

again, celebrity, football, game, guy, humor, i, sports, swift, taylor, Taylor Swift, today, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

74 shares on Discord this month:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

99 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

A Monday every week is excessive.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Next time I feel butterflies, I’m chugging down a bottle of tequila so they drown.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Live now on YouTube:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Just landed via YouTube:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

Going viral on Reddit:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴