Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.
  • The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.
  • I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.
  • Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.
  • My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.
  • Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.