Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Lifting my wife’s wedding veil and finding out she’s Darth Maul.