Funny doctor jokes prove that trips to the clinic don’t have to be all serious and sterile 😅🩺😂. From awkward appointments and prescription mix-ups to bizarre patient questions and over-the-top medical advice, funny doctor jokes capture the humorous side of healthcare 🏥✨. Whether you’re a patient, a medical professional, or just enjoy a good laugh, these jokes show that even hospitals have a funny bone 🎭💊.
New funny doctor jokes
- I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”
- My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.
- They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?
- “You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”
- I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.
- Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.
- Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?
- They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”
- Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.
- Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.
Top funny doctor jokes
- I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.
- Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.
- One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.
- Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.
- For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.
- When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.
- Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
- My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
- In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”
Popular funny doctor jokes
- Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.
- Doctors who give out lollipops really treat their patients.
- Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.
- Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.
- An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.
- Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.
- She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.
- Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.
- Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.
- I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.
More funny doctor jokes
- The more I insisted marshmallows were vegetables, the angrier my doctor got.
- I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”
- The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”
- I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.
- I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.
- At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.
- My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.
- Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.
- I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.
- I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.
Witty doctor jokes
- Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?
- The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.
- My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.
- Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.
- I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.
- My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.
- Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.
- When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.
- Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.
- Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?
Funny doctor jokes remind us that stethoscopes, waiting rooms, and health advice can all be sources of comedy 🤣😆. From hilarious misdiagnoses to quirky office antics, the world of medicine has plenty of laughs to offer 😂🩹. Share these jokes, lighten up checkups, and enjoy the lighter side of staying healthy ✨🤣.