50+ Funny Girl Jokes That Celebrate the Chaos of Being a Girl

New funny girl jokes

• Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

• Girls flirt by orbiting your general location like an electron.

• “You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

• The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

• Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

• Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

• If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

• Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

• You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

• Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Top funny girl jokes

• A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

• The real hack is pouring all that lover girl energy into yourself.

• Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

• Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

• I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

• Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

• I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

• Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

• Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Popular funny girl jokes

• God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

• What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

• As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

• Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

• Girls are perverts when they like you.

• It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

• Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

• “Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

• The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

• Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

More funny girl jokes

• “I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

• When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

• There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

• Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

• Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

• The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

• Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Witty girl jokes

• Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

• Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

• Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

• Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

• Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

• I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

• Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

• Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

• Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

• Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.