50+ Funny Girl Jokes That Celebrate the Chaos of Being a Girl

New funny girl jokes

• I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

• Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

• I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

• Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

• Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

• God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

• What’s a girl gotta do to feel a dopamine high around here?

• As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

• Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

• Girls are perverts when they like you.

Top funny girl jokes

• It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

• Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

• “Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

• The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

• Girl math is deactivating social media accounts to avoid only one person.

• “I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

• When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

• There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

• Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

• Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Popular funny girl jokes

• The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

• Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

• Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

• Girl, he’s nonchalant because he doesn’t like you. He’s definitely chalanting somewhere else.

• Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

• Girls ask for help to open a jar, but can throw a couch during an argument.

• Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

More funny girl jokes

• I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

• Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

• Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

• Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

• Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

• Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

• Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

• Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Witty girl jokes

• You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

• I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

• A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

• My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

• Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

• Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

• Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

• I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

• Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

• Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.