New funny moment jokes

• I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

• That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

• Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

• Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

• My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

• In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

• “Stop recording everything and just enjoy the moment” is asking me for videos from last night.

• Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

• (british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

• My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Top funny moment jokes

• I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

• Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

• No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

• Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

• Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

• Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

• The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

• That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

• Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

• I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Popular funny moment jokes

• I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

• The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

• Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

• I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

• You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

• Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

• I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

• I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

• I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

• What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

More funny moment jokes

• Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

• Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

• Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

• The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

• It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

• I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

• Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

• I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Witty moment jokes

• A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

• I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

• Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

• Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

• I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

• Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

• May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

• That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

• That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

• That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”