New funny money jokes

• I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

• Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

• The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

• Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

• Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

• The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

• It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

• Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

• Eating healthy requires a second job.

• Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Top funny money jokes

• Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

• Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

• No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

• My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

• My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

• The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

• “So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

• Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

• My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

• Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Popular funny money jokes

• “I’m getting tired of everything being 100 dollars and 100 degrees.”

• My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

• What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

• It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

• Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

• My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

• Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

• You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

• Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

• Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

More funny money jokes

• I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

• To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

• Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

• You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

• If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

• God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

• Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

• Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

• That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

• Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Witty money jokes

• Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

• A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

• Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

• Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

• I have more trips planned than I have money.

• I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

• A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

• The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

• I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

• If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?