New funny procrastination jokes

• Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

• The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

• Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

• That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

• Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

• They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

• I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

• Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

• Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

• If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Top funny procrastination jokes

• I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

• Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

• This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

• The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

• I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

• “Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

• Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

• Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

• Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

• Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Popular funny procrastination jokes

• Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

• I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

• My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

• Took control of my life today and canceled my AOL subscription.

• I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

• It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

• I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

• In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

• I love when I clean my whole apartment just to sit in it like a Victorian widow waiting for bad news.

• Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

More funny procrastination jokes

• Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

• Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

• Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

• Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

• It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

• Wake up, there’s overthinking to be done.

• I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

• I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

• I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

• I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Witty procrastination jokes

• Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

• Imagine if you spent all your time studying, actually studying.

• Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

• The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

• Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

• Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

• I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

• I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

• Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

• I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.