BOULDER—In a shocking revelation on Monday, local man Gregory Thompson discovered he might not be a teenager after all. Thompson, who has been sporting a single earring and leather jacket, exclaimed, “I just can’t believe it. I guess all the late-night TikToking was a bit of a giveaway.”

Friends report that Thompson, who often insisted on sitting in the “cool” section of local cafes, began to suspect his true age when he failed to understand an inside joke from Euphoria. “You mean I’m not supposed to know what Gen Z are talking about at my age?” Thompson reportedly pondered.

Experts suggest a surprising number of middle-aged men join Thompson in his plight. Sociologist Dr. Anne Brighton noted, “It’s becoming increasingly common for people in their fifties to self-identify as ‘youthfully seasoned.’ It’s a real epidemic of misplaced adolescence.”