I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Commentary:
“Who needs a diet when you have birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends, and… you being you 🤷‍♂️🍰🍾🎄🍫 Just blame it on the occasions, right? 😄”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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    Commentary:
    Looks like that sandwich decided to pull a disappearing act faster than you can say “Abracadabra”! 🥪🎩 Maybe it’s off pursuing its dreams of becoming a snack magician! 🧙‍♂️✨ Better luck next time! 😄

  • Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

    Commentary:
    “Trying to persuade an introvert to attend a party is akin to sending a saint on a sinful adventure to Hell – it’s a recipe for an existential crisis! It’s like asking a turtle to join a hare for a sprint, or a penguin to audition for ‘American Idol’ – a mismatch of epic proportions!”

  • One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says “Smell this,” it usually smells nice.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the age-old gender divide! When a woman says ‘Smell this,’ it’s like a fragrant bouquet of roses awaits. But when a man says it, well, let’s just say it’s a risky olfactory adventure. Proceed with caution and a clothespin on standby!”

  • Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

    Commentary:
    “Well, it looks like even the Coca Cola truck needs a vacation from the heat! 🎄❄️☀️ Who knew it had a summer break too? Maybe it’s off chilling on a beach somewhere, sipping on a cold Coke! 🏖️🥤 #SunsOutTrucksOut”

  • With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic cautionary tale of power and douchery 🤣💪 Remember, with great power comes great responsibility… and the strong possibility of turning into a bit of a douchebag along the way! Proceed with caution, my powerful friends! 😉✨”

  • Why would I want a memory pillow? Sleep is where I go to forget.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a memory pillow when sleep is the ultimate ‘forget me not’ zone? 💤🤔 Sweet dreams of selective memory ahead! 😆”