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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

Most insane people live outside of madhouses.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out Iโ€™m addicted to you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has copied:

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if heโ€™s realizing Iโ€™m actually a lil ugly.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

โ€œCleanโ€ my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

818 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,980

Funny Quotes Topics

13,922

Funny Quotes Images

10,980

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Instagram:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Summer is the best because thereโ€™s always a chance Iโ€™ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Just shared via Telegram:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Live now on Discord:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Going viral on Facebook:

“AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

Trending via LinkedIn:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Iโ€™m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Iโ€™m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's ready to trade Grandma's knitting needles for some heavy-duty gear! ๐Ÿš—๐Ÿ’ฅ Watch out world, we've got a crochet daredevil on the loose! ๐Ÿงถ๐Ÿ˜„ #NeedleAndThreadSpeedster"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

818 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,980

Funny Quotes Topics

13,922

Funny Quotes Images

10,980

Updated

8 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has downloaded:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ถ has copied:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ผ๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Breaking via Telegram:

โ€œAt your big ageโ€ is one of my favorite insults.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Just shared via Facebook:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Seen just now on X:

The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

Trending via WeChat:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?

Trending via Discord:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

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