People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

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Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

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If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a boy that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

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DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

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Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

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Salt is just angry sugar.

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Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

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Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

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You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

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All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

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I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.