New funny shopping quotes

• If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

• Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

• Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.

• My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

• Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

• Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

• We really do need a separate grocery store for people who’ve been on Earth before.

• Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

• It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

• I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Top funny shopping quotes

• Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

• I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

• Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

• August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

• Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

• The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

• At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

• God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

• Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

• The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Popular funny shopping quotes

• “I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

• In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

• At the grocery store, progressively booing louder as the clerk scans each item.

• Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

• Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

• Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

• The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

• Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

• All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

• The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

More funny shopping quotes

• When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

• Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

• What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

• I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

• Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

• I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

• My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

• She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

• People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

• Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Witty shopping quotes

• Did you ever buy a pack of underwear, take them out, and think, wow, these are huge… then try them on, and they fit perfectly?

• Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

• A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

• My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

• Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

• Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

• My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

• If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

• I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Funny shopping quotes remind us that while spending money can feel great 💳, it often comes with a side of hilarious buyer’s remorse 😂. Whether it’s buying things you don’t need 🧦, pretending “it was on sale” is a solid excuse 🎯, or swearing you’ll stick to the list (and never do) 🙃, shopping is pure comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever walked into a store for one thing and walked out with ten. So embrace the splurges, laugh at the receipts, and enjoy the comedy of shopping 🤪!