New funny honesty quotes

• Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

• When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

• Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

• Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

• You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

• In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

• If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my horniest.

• I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

• I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Top funny honesty quotes

• Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

• I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

• I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

• I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

• People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

• I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

• When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

• I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

• Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

• I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Popular funny honesty quotes

• Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

• Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

• Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

• Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

• Sorry, can’t make it, just remembered I don’t want to.

• Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

• I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

• Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

• I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

• Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

More funny honesty quotes

• “Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

• I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

• I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

• I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

• I love canceling plans. I didn’t want to go in the first place. I just wanted to be invited.

• Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

• No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

• And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

• If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

• I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Witty honesty quotes

• They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

• Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

• Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

• I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

• Yes, I upload photos with filters because I want to look good. If you want to see the ugly side of me, come to my house.

• The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

• Once you realize that no one really cares how you’re doing, it becomes much easier to answer the question.

• Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

• Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

• I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Funny honesty quotes remind us that while honesty is the best policy 🏷️, it’s also a perfect recipe for hilarious situations 🤣. Whether it’s accidentally oversharing 🗣️, delivering too much truth in the wrong moment 🎯, or dealing with people who have zero filter 🤪, honesty keeps life interesting. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that sometimes it’s better to laugh than to lie 🙃. So embrace the brutal truth, enjoy the awkward confessions, and keep laughing at honesty’s funny side 😂!