It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

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Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

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At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

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Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

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Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

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Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

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I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

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Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

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If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

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None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

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If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?