Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.