TOPEKA—In a surprising twist on typical dating advice, local man Dave Walters has found success by championing an unorthodox flirting technique. “I really don’t know how to flirt,” said Walters, “but if I can just cover their flaws with compliments, I’m golden.” Observers have noted dates leaving with a confused sense of both irritation and admiration.

Area residents have strangely followed Dave’s advice with limited success. “I tried saying, ‘Your laugh sounds like an angel choking on a harp,'” reported his coworker Jim. “It mostly gets me an eyebrow raise and sometimes a free drink—thrown in my face sometimes, but it’s basically free.” Experts suggest this method clearly defines the wrong kind of charm.

When asked about his technique, Walters enthused, “It’s all about balance. You just craft a sentence like, ‘I’m really impressed by how loud you can chew.'” Most romantics mistakenly copying Walters now find themselves honing solo dining habits. Busy local restaurants express gratitude that their waitlists are slightly shorter, describing Walters as a hero of alternative romance.